What I wish my week-old baby had told me...

It is true that having a new baby is the biggest joy of your life.
It is also true that it’s the most energy-draining, confusing, sleepless, exhausting, fearful, regretful few months of your life.

After a year and a half of having my baby girl, there is so much I wish I knew back when I first had her. So much I wish someone told me during the toughest and hardest of the most sleepless of moments…there is stuff I wish SHE had told me about how our life would soon look like.

Going through my memories...if my baby could talk when she was only a few days old, What would she tell me to get me through my darkest moments?

She would tell me…

Mama, I know I hurt you during my birth and that the scars are now burning and stinging through your skin, but one day you will take pride in those scars. The story of my birth will be the one story you will never ever forget. You will forever remember every single detail of every single moment of the day and recite it to anyone and everyone who asks and even tear up a bit whenever you see a birth scene in a movie.

She would assure me and say…

Mom, I know that breastfeeding is hurting you more than you ever thought it would. That it IS tough and does not come easily for every woman. That you are scared you will not be able to nourish me the way you are expected to. But then you will fight nonstop to keep up your milk supply, try every lactation recipe you would ever come across to increase your milk, use your lunch breaks at work to pump as much as you can and then six months later you will brag to your friends on how you did it. You would fall in love with it just because it will strengthen our bond and wait for those moments so we can have this peaceful deep stare into each other eyes and talk with no words.

She would comfort me and say…

Mummy, I am sorry that every time you try to doze off and get some rest, my stomach pinches me from hunger or I just feel alone and scared and have no choice but to cry so that you can take me in your warm hug, feed me and soothe me till I feel safe and sleep again.  But you know what mummy? Even after I grow up a little and will be sleeping through the night, you will still wake up on your own to check if I am still breathing, if I am too cold or too warm. You will still wake up to watch me..to hold me because you simply miss my smell. You will kiss my feet and tickle my cheeks and maybe take me in your arms for a few minutes before sneaking back out quietly.

She would smile and tell me…

Mamma, I know you feel confused. You are overwhelmed with all those mixed feelings. You are secretly scared you won’t be able to love me as much as you thought you would but you wouldn't dare confess it to anyone. You're afraid you won’t be the mother you always aimed to be.  But, Just wait a few more months and you will love me until your heart aches.  Then just when you would think you can’t love me any stronger you will find yourself falling in love with me all over again with every new step I take and every new word I say and every new thing I learn and every time I surprise you with how clever I am..with every toothless grin and every silly attempt to sit up on my own but end up falling sideways then giggle and clap thinking I have made a big achievement..with every sleepy smile and wet kiss I plant on your cheeks before bed time every night..

She would also say…

I know mama you are tired of carrying me for 9 whole months and then carrying me for a few more after birth. But you know what mama? In a few more months I will be able to walk on my own. I will run around, steal your shoes to try them on, then you will laugh when you catch me and take a picture. I will hide behind a transparent curtain, and you will pretend you don’t see me and then fake a big surprise when I come out. You will hug me and we will both laugh and we will do it 98 more times just so you can see me happy. I will run the minute you walk through the door back from a long day at work and shower you with hugs and kisses.

Mummy, I know you are exhausted, that you are sleep-deprived, that you hate your body now and that you are unsure of what to do or how to act.…

But one day mummy, I will grow up and will become your best friend, your trusted confident, and your advisor at times.

 I will soothe you when you are sad, hug you when you are tired, and make you smile when you are down…I will call you every day to tell you about the silliest details, and you would listen enthusiastically just because hearing my voice will warm your heart.

Just bear with me mom for a little longer, because we are on for one amazingly beautiful lifetime ride. We will grow together in our own ways…and it’s all going to be worth it… too worth it that you would wonder how have you ever claimed to be happy before becoming a mum…and you would wish to do it all over again.

And Mama…I love you, so very much;
Since before I was born…
From the first moment I saw you…
And for the rest of my life.